Wow, I think I was in year 11 last time I posted. This year so far has been work, work work; nothing but work. It is certainly paying off - the outcomes of my multitude of academic endevours is noteworthy. So I guess I am feeling relatively smug right now. I am proud of the term I've just achieved.

So yesterday was the last day of term 1, year 12. Got back my psychology SAC mark - it was pretty good. After school I went home with my good friend Helen. She is kinda unwell, so we bummed around her house, went in the spa, just chilled out and went with the flow. Judging as I am usually such an anal, 'every-second-of-the-day-is-organised' person, it was nice to be so fluid. We watched an ep of Supernatural - I'd never seen it before and I must say I liked it a fair bit. Hot guy in it. Dean.

This morning I came home from Helen's, and now I am wasting time.

One other thing: that friendship I was always bitching about in previous posts, well it's so over now. It hurt at the time, but I am now happier and I am glad it's gone, because I'm in a healthier, happier place without it. She wasn't good for me and I wasn't good for her. She brought me down with all her sombre mumbo jumbo - I didn't need that shit. She ended it, but she just saved me from having to end it. So in a way I am greatful. :-)

xx

Well thank God for that. Biology is over. For the first time in two years, I am not longer a student of biology. I will miss it, but then again I won't.

In fact, that means, I'm done with science. Like, forever. Woot!

But seriously, the exam was pretty badly-written. Some of the questions weren't even biological...

Amber. xx

Well, I'm officially on the home straight with biology. I've been running so fast for so long, and now I'm nearly there. This time on Monday, it'll all be over, and I can forget everything I have ever learnt about DNA and ribosomes and plasmids and gel electrophoresis. Wow. 2 years of biology, it feels like it's gone so fast.

But then the new fun begins - I finish with one 3/4, and I get 5 more new ones as a reward!! What fun! International studies, English, French, psychology and revolutions, here I come!

I don't think I'll know what to do with myself on the holidays - I'm so used to studying all the time. Quite sad really.


Amber. xoxo

God, year 12 is looming. I really can't believe my life has flown by this fast. Next year will be a total bitch, for sure, but I guess it maybe won't be so bad, because if it's anything like this year it'll pass me by in an instant. This year has changed me so much. I truly believe I am a different person now, to at the start of the year. I reckon I've changed for the better. I hope so.

Amber.

Well, the last three weeks have been a blur of fatigue and arse-busting study. I really got my butt into gear when term commenced, and now I can confidently say I am very ready for my upcoming unit 4 Biology exam. There's been quite a few emotional stresses too these last couple of weeks, but thankfully now they've been resolved. I somewhat think, so far, this term has forced me to go on a bit of a journey of self-growth. I don't mean because of the study, because that's nothing new and I'm very used to doing hours every night. More, I mean, it's forced me to learn about trust and faith, especially to do with friendships. I don't want to go into specifics, but baisically I had a massive upheaval in the friendship which I hold in the highest esteem, and now that's it's resolved we're in a better, more honest place.

Well, my last two SACS in biology went very well. I got 24/25 on one and 23/25 on the other. I'm very pleased. I did quite shit in my term 3 biology SACS, so I guess this has somewhat made up for it. I only have just over a week left as a student of biology, and I must admit I will miss it immensly when it's gone. Along with French, I would say it's been my favourite subject this year. Ms. Cardwell is an amazing teacher and I'm truly greatful to have had her.

Amber.

Today was alright. English was first, and it was good. We're doing Macbeth and I really really like it. My favourite lines so far are when fair is foul and foul is fair; hover through the smoke and filthy air. The witches, of course.Then I had maths, and I hadn't done my holiday homework. We learnt some stuff about Euler's theory or something. Music was master class but I forgot my cello so I didn't play. French was good, as always. Then I had tennis, and I'm still in okay form, judging as I haven't played for 6 months.

Well, I'd better go do some cello practice and some practice biol exams now.

Yesterday after I got back from the beach house, I moved bedrooms. I was in a kind of granny flat thing, but I was sick of it and I wanted a change. Also I had a spider problem. So I moved back to the main house. I guess my parents will annoy me now more than they did, but overall it's a good change. Plus, in a way it's good to be closer to my parents.

Last night I had my final gig with my string quartet, before our official disbandment. I play the cello in it, of course, and our repertoire is usually wedding music, and the Four Seasons by Vivaldi, and the like. Our gig was at the Hilton Hotel, for a business function. We only played for a little over an hour, and still got paid $84 each. Afterwards, we went to McDonald's for tea. Two hobos spoke to us, and James gave one $2. So, overall it was a lovely and successful night. Unfortunately, the McDonald's caused me to wake up at 5:30am this morning with fairly intense stomach pains. Not pleasant.

Right now I'm at David's beach house with him and Jess. We've had a great time so far - we watched She's The Man, and The Matrix. Jess cooked a great Bolognaise for dinner and we played Monopoly. Now we're watching the second matrix and sipping on some Cruisers. We've eaten so much junk food so far today, which on my part is probably not a good idea, because of this morning's gastric bout.

We're staying the night and heading back tomorrow.

These last four days have been a bit of a blur, and it seems that no time at all has passed since I last posted. Today mum and I went shopping for a new desk for me. We had no luck at Ikea, but found what we were after at Officeworks. Also today I tutored my French student, and had dinner at my best friend's house. We ate Thai food. 'Twas good.

Oh, and yesterday I had my year 12 biology trial exam. It was alright, but I couldn't answer like any of extended response question 9. It was about somatic and germ cell gene therapy, and we haven't like done any of that. Gay.

I dreamt about death the other night. This isn't unusual for me; my dreams are often fairly morbid. I dreamt that a French teacher at my school who I am fairly fond of died. Yuk.

Okay, so I've been very naughty and haven't posted in a while. Here's my week, laid out for you:

Saturday night: Went to Crown Casino with David. Ate a lot of Krispy Kreams, and went bowling. We drank 3 cocktails between us - margarita (yummy), purple haze (tasted like licorice), and kiwi something (tasted like puke). David won both games of bowling by a significant margin. I mainly got gutter balls. We then saw Tropic Thunder, which was alright but not fabulous. See it if you get a free ticket, otherwise don't bother. Then we went restaurant-hunting for dinner, and accidentally stumbled into Nobu, one of the most prestigious and expensive restaurants in Melbourne. David paid $60 for a tiny tiny piece of steak. Ridiculous. But the waitress wore a Tiffany necklace, like me, which was cool. Talked about prostitutes in the car on the way home.

Monday: Had the first session with my new French tutoring student. It went well, but I was so nervous because I'm new to this teaching gig. Then had dinner with my best friend and her family, which was nice. Except they didn't like my nineties taste in music.

Tuesday: Went to the movies with Jess. We saw Taken, with Liam Neeson. It was utterly fantastic. I haven't seen such a good film in quite a while. Although it did scare me a bit, because when I go to France in 2010, I don't want to get kidnapped and forced into a life of prostitution.

Wednesday: Went to the movies with Simmy. We saw The Bank Job, which was really excellent, except we missed the first 5 minutes because Simlet was late. Afterwards, we ate and she showed me her mad new tat. Then we meandered around Eastland for a while, and went to Off Ya Tree. Then I caught the bus home.

Thursday: Had a tutoring session with my student. After that an intended movie day with my best friend turned into a 'let's just sit and chat for 3 hours' day. None-the-less, 'twas good. Also did some biology work.

Friday: That's today! Did some biology work, watched The Da Vinci Code, and went to babysit. The kid I was looking after insisted on watching some kiddy DVD, so I promply because uber-bored. Hence, I rung Dom, and we chatted for about an hour. Then I went out for dinner at Grill'd with Sarah D, and we saw The House Bunny. It was both entertaining and hilarious. Yes, I know I see a lot of movies, and I know it's sad. Thanks for pointing that out.

When it comes to reading, I can claim enjoyment of both modern literature and the classics. If a preference had to be chosen, however, it would be for the latter. Modern series are lovely and enthralling, being easier language to comprehend, and more easy to relate to; however they still have their drawbacks. The cost would be one. It is incredible that the novel Twilight costs $25 AU, and Luisa May Alcott's Little Women costs a mere $9.90 AU. Don't get me wrong - Twilight is a marvelous book, albeit perhaps left wanting in the character development area; but Little Women really does leave it for dead. A harder book to read and appreciate, but so much more rewarding.

Another example, and my personal favourite, is Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen. Again, it is cheaper than a foot-long sub. But, I shouldn't complain, as it is the cost-effective prices of all the Penguin Classics that keeps me with something to read (as I am adverse to borrowing from a public library - I must prefer to use my bookshelf as a testament to what I have read).

I really should get started on my holiday homework. I feel justified in being in my currently immobile and lazy state, as I've really given this last term everything I have, and I need a break. The last 3 days have been wonderful - reading a lot, writing, and watching movies. I haven't read a book all year, because I haven't had the time, but in the last 3 days I've read two. :-)

Yesterday I bummed around reading for most of the day, and then my best friend called and we spoke for over 2 hours. It's like that with us, we can't shut up once you get us together. We had a couple of things to sort out, and we made some headway on them. Then David came over for dinner and we watched Blade. It's a vampire film, but despite my usual liking for vampire things, I didn't like this film much. The vampires in it were mangy and uncivilised. I prefer it when vampires are technologically advanced and cultured, like in Twilight and the Underworld films.

Aside from the Twilight series (which I am currently really enjoying), my other favourite series of novels would have to be A Song of Ice and Fire, by Georgie R. R. Martin. The series is not complete yet, but already the 5 released books intertwine to make up a convoluted and complex story, with themes of war, political power, incest, loyalty, betrayal, the supernatural, and dragons. It really is a fantastic series. There's a CCG based on it that's not bad either, called A Game of Thrones. If you're simply sick of Snap and Go Fish, I really recommend AGOT CCG - even if you haven't read the books.

Bisous,
Amber

Last night I didn't dream. I guess that's a testament to the holidays; I usually dream heaps when I'm stressed out. Like, near the midyear exams this year, I had all these freaky biology nightmares - it really was quite disturbing. However; the scariest dream I've ever had was about 2 months ago. At the time I wrote it down in my dream journal, as I thought it was an important dream to remember. This is what I wrote:

My best friend and I were in the city, on these lime green uncomfortable couches. She hugged me, and then she died. I started shaking her and screaming, 'wake up! Please don't die, please don't leave me, please wake up!' I was also crying hysterically. After that, I called an ambulance and they came, but despite their best efforts, they were unable to revive her. Then her mobile phone rang; I answered and it was her mum, and I had to tell her that her daughter was dead.

Yeah, that dream was pretty bad. Put me in a surly mood for days.

Bisous,
Amber.

After an entirely uneventful morning of reading, writing and relaxing, my gay husband David picked me up in his red 1990 Honda. Conversation always comes easily between us, and I don't have to pretend with him. That's one of the things I love most about him - he's entirely non-judgmental. At his place, we retired to his room and smoked some hookah. I always get the 'kick' from it, but for some reason he barely ever does, despite how much he inhales. After that we watched a Bond film, and lazed around for a while. We also went to Eastland, because he wanted to buy a book. For dinner we are Indian, and then he drove me home. Overall, a pleasant afternoon and evening - it seemed to buck me up a little.

I was meant to practice my cello today, but I didn't. I really do need to get my concerto up to scratch. And, I have a mammoth recital next term, and I really should practice more. I do love it, I really do, but often I forget, because I have so many other things circling in my head.

Right now some of my friends are in France on a school trip. I went on the same trip last year; but none-the-less, I am terribly jealous. France is where I intend to plant my roots someday, and I miss it every day. It may sounds crazy, but sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong country. Whenever I bag Australia mum gets miffed, because she is really patriotic. I don't see what all the hype about Australia is there for. Australia is culturally and historically flat, bland and boring.

Bisous,
Amber.

The first day of holidays are always a time for mulling over things, and analysing the general crappiness of the term just ended. That's exactly what I'm up to today; it's just a coincidence that this necessary contemplation phase coincides with my first ever Live Journal entry. I suppose it is a little pretentious of me to assume (or hope) that people will actually read my entries.

I guess in life there are several segments, or sections, which join together to form existence as a whole. In my life, I can see the social, the academic, and the family sectors. There is no romantic sector, as of yet. My family is sufficiently fucked. I don't get beaten by my parents or anything, and I suppose compared to many I've got it pretty good, but it's still fucked enough for it to be a problem. So forget that sector of life - it's not a good one. Now, onto the academic sector. I go to a good private school and I work hard, and my marks are fairly good. But, lately, with biology especially, I've been giving it everything and getting marks which really don't reflect my effort. I should have never taken biology - I don't have the brain for it. I'm good at languages - I get A+s in French and English virtually without trying. Science, on the other hand, is not my forte. I had one particularly bitchy biology SAC yesterday - don't think I went so well. So, I guess the academic sector of my life is so-so: neither great nor shit. Because of the absence of a romantic life, that leaves the social side of things. Gosh, being 17 is hard, socially. It really is. This term's been particularly bad. I don't get bullied often, not more than anyone else - it's more my friendships that sometimes (often) worry me. I'm not very good at dealing with change in friendship circles and that, and it's hard when change is forced upon me. Now I have 3 weeks to decide what I'm going to do about a certain friendship that I feel like I'm losing... I really don't know what to do. I could not cope if I lost this person. I love her and I need her.

My moods are shitting me up the wall at the moment. I can't seem to decide on how I feel about anything. On one hand, sometimes I get really upset about something, and all I want to do is go get drunk or smoke some weed. And then a few days later, I'll be all elated and won't feel the need for any unhealthy distractions such as those mentioned above. It's bizarre.

I'm reading a really great book at the moment - Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. I'm pretty sure everyone's heard of it - it's fast gaining popularity. I only bought it yesterday at Eastland after school, and already I'm halfway through - it really is that good. The main character reminds me a lot of my best friend. They are very similar. The book is about a girl who falls in love with a vampire. Weird concept, but it works. I really wish I could fall in love. I have been in love before, but I got burned so badly that I'm really afraid I've lost my capacity to love. I guess I'll have to wait and see.

Bisous,
Amber.